btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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