I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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