Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize