he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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