Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
