Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
