ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
