don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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