Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
