I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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