I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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