Someone shit on the floor
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
