I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize