this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
