Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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