I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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