Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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