I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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