My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You pole danced in your parka.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
