No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize