A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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