is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
