There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
