I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
