Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
