holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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