Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
