Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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