totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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