Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
