my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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