We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
