How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
