shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
is that a dick in a sweater?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
