id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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