he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
