last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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