ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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