I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
