we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
