No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
