I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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