pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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