dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
