There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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