i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
