I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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