Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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