Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
