Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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