I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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