So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You don't make any sense
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