We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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