I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize