I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
