mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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