Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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