my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All the doctor said was why
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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