awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
