fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
