I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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