Im at strip club and am horny
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The Olympian is in my bed
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