Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
