my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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